


a clear sky

by centurytuna



Series: glowing [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17310068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centurytuna/pseuds/centurytuna
Summary: This is why he hates being alone.





	a clear sky

He didn’t think he’d be here.

If someone asked him a year ago where he thought he would be welcoming the new year, he wouldn’t be able to say where exactly, but he believed it would be wherever Tessa was. He had no way of knowing for sure that they would win the Olympics or mount their own successful tour in the fall or be inducted into Canada’s Walk of Fame all within the next twelve months, but he would have been able to say that he would be with Tessa at the end of one of the biggest years of their lives. Today, he’s basking in the warmth of the sun in the balcony of his girlfriend’s apartment while she works, his girlfriend who is decidedly not Tessa.

He tries not to think about that too much, knows that it’s unfair and unproductive, but it’s where his mind goes eventually. This is why he hates being alone.

***

He’s packed the last of his things from her bedroom, the few clothes and random items he hadn’t been able to take with him the last time. Bag over his shoulder, he turns to leave when he finds her hovering in the doorway. Her face is bare but her eyes are brimming with emotion. He waits her out (like he used to, until he couldn’t anymore).

“I’m sorry.” She breathes out, her voice cracking on the last word in a way that makes him want to wrap her in his arms. So he does, walks up to her and cradles the back of her neck until her forehead rests on top of his shoulder. Her arms go around his waist, her fingertips pressing hard on his back through his shirt.

“Don’t be. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t want to do your own thing, Tess.” He murmurs in her ear. It is a realization he came to a week ago after talking to his brothers, and what ultimately made it easier to accept and to respect her decision. She had always wanted to be her own person, he had always believed that she was, but she had never believed it herself, at least not fully.

She pulls him tighter to her and he does the same. There isn’t much to say that hasn’t been said. The first conversation was brutal, when he was struck with the crushing disappointment that the future he saw for the both of them wasn’t the same as hers. The second one hardly lasted a minute, just him apologizing for pushing her into a corner and her making sure that they would be fine for the upcoming media day when they got back. He wasn’t ready to talk about it then, and he was grateful that she knew him well enough not to push. And the last one happened a month after the first, when the fog of heartbreak and misery he had been living in cleared, and he could finally see what happened between them. Their timing wasn’t right, and in the face of that truth, there were two options for him: to wait or to move on. He had done enough of the first to know that there was only one way this could go.

She releases her grip on him but rests her hands on his waist, her green eyes boring into his. “I love you.” She tells him, means it in all the ways.

“I love you too.” That’s the one thing that hadn’t changed after everything. Always, and in all the ways.

***

In retrospect, he finds that he doesn’t regret any of it, not the stops and the starts, not the gray area that they kept getting stuck in, not even the waiting. Because now he knows how good they are together, and she knows it too. And whatever it is that’s holding her back, whether it’s fear or doubt or sheer stubbornness, it’s not anything that his actions or his words can change. He had given it his all, and she had given what she can.

He didn’t think he would find someone else so soon. But when he reconnected with an old friend and felt a spark, he thought, maybe. And it became easier to be around Tessa too, to touch her without thinking about it, to enjoy their friendship without remembering that they had been more. He’s learning though, that moving on isn’t a linear process. There are still moments when it hits him, be it the memories or their potential or just how much love he still has for her, and it feels like he’s back to where he started. He reminds himself that it will pass, that what counts aren’t his feelings or the stories he tells himself in his head, but his choices. He’s not going to cut her out of his life, doesn’t think it’s even remotely possible, but he needs some space, if he’s going to make it work with someone else. And so does she, if she’s going to figure out what a life outside their partnership looks like.

For now, he’s enjoying himself. He’s learned not to look too far into the future, and he’s trying not to dwell too much on the past.

The sun feels wonderful on his skin, like hope, like possibility.


End file.
